What Are Microaggressions?
How it feels
Are you a person living in America who identifies with indigenous and non-European cultures? Have you ever experienced a situation where you were treated differently, talked down to, a situation that left you feeling a little, off?
Microaggression feels like a backhanded compliment, lack of sincerity, like the other person is trying too hard to make you agree with them in their favor. You know, that high pitched over attempt at explaining something to you as if you were a child.
The simplistic justification in tone, deliverance, look about them. It’s an air of superiority that you can feel quicker than you can see. You have this moment with yourself in the middle of their sentence or action. This person, in an authority position, or who would like for you to feel like they are in fact an authority figure because of their skin color.
It goes hand in hand with gaslighting, yet with a colonialist Eurocentricity about it.
Actual Definition
Microaggression: “a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority) … behavior or speech that is characterized by such comments or actions.”
Benefit of the Doubt
For years, I took on life as what is described as white presenting or appearing as an American and assimilating into the American culture, while still acknowledging my Mexican heritage. So much overlooked microagressive comments and actions, because why? Why would people make backhanded compliments towards marginalized groups?
I was also walking around in life with my light brown skin and rose-colored glasses, barely covering my non-brown eyes. I asked myself, are any of these actually racist moments that I’m continuing to downplay? Is it subjective?
I took on these situations ignoring my gut feelings, not wanting to overreact and question what was said or done out of fear of having to defend my position from an “understanding”, ensued by gaslighting. So, I’d rather remain silent or naively mumble something and walk away upset with myself and wishing I said more.
My Experiences in the Wild
The following experiences have lived rent free in my head for years. However, they have also fueled me to educate myself more and develop a stronger voice, not only for myself, but for my community.
In the Workplace
Decorating My Office
Context: It was my first couple of weeks into my new job in an admin position of a predominately white faith-based school. I stayed after hours to continue to work on decorating my office. In my excitement, I called a couple of friends to keep me company while I worked on my office.
Situation: The church secretary rushed into the school in a panic with two of her close friends that were a married church couple. The church secretary mentioned she was worried because she saw another car in the parking lot and thought she left one of the doors unlocked. As they made
their way around the school and stopped for brief small talk.
Response: I kept working on my office, my friends sat in the chairs in front of my desk looking at some of the kids’ books I had, and I told the church secretary, “you could have texted me to check”. They played dumb, agreed, and left.
Aftermath: My friends felt uncomfortable, realizing the situation. I denied it to myself and them and downplayed the situation. This was the first of many situations I ignored at this place of work.
COVID
Context: COVID was a huge point of contention at the school. Board meetings consisted of me conveying new regulations, receiving hard pushback to keep things status quo as much as possible with attitude and gaslighting techniques.
Situation: In a general small talk conversation about the newest county numbers and regulations, a very prominent church member said, “Latinos are the ones with the highest numbers of COVID in this zip code”. Pausing, lingering, and smirking after that comment out of the blue.
Response: “I’ve seen the numbers”.
Aftermath: A feeling of what the hell? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Why was he so comfortable to drop that randomly to my face the way he did. Disgusted, is how I felt.
Black Jesus
Context: A previous church member was visiting from out of town.
Situation: The church member started having the same laughing conversation with several other church members talking about the sign outside of the new church of attendance. It was described as a cutout of Jesus. It was Jesus for everyone because at night, it was black Jesus. Followed by laughing hysterically.
Response: Initially, I tried as hard as I could to stay out of the conversations. When it was brought into my office and the conversation was finally with me, then being asked “it’s funny, right?”, my reply, “you need to be careful saying something like that, my teachers are around.”
Aftermath: I still second guessed myself. I wonder what the sign actually looked like. Again, was I blowing it out of proportion?
Hiring a Black Male Teacher
Context: I was in charge of hiring new teachers. I have a pretty good track rate and a knack for sensing great teachers with the exception of 2. I am after all, human. When this teacher interviewed, he had a great aura about him. He was a natural. An easy hire.
Situation: The energy by the church members that shifted when he was around was palatable. That didn’t change how he handled each encounter. He was loved by the kids, families, and the rest of the teachers. When it came to the church members, there was a lot of whispers and awkward glances. Then came the comments from the board members once they saw how well he was doing, saying “he speaks so eloquently”.
Response: Silence. I didn’t even second guess this one. Still, I said nothing.
Aftermath: Disgusted. Pure disgust, anger, and frustration. If this is how my superiors were acting despite my hard work to bring everyone together, how much longer could I remain there doing good at the expense of my sanity.
All Lives Matter
Context: Same previous church member. Another visit.
Situation: Talking with church members, dropping the conversation of all lives matter. Again, the conversation was directed it at me with, “all lives matter, right?”.
Response: “Like I said before, you need to be careful saying something like that”.
Aftermath: Really? Again? Clearly this is okay around here.
Board Meeting
Context: It was my last monthly board meeting. Tension was high as I had been out of work a lot from stress.
Situation: A prominent church member had completed the budget on my behalf, cutting out necessary staffing hours and benefits. As he was reading it to the board, I started shaking my head no in disproval to which he replied, “don’t shake your head at me”.
Response: I thanked him for the time he took to put together the budget and told him, “I will shake my head if I disagree with something” and went on to discuss the need for staff.
Aftermath: Rage. Extreme anxiety and confusion. That was my last board meeting. 2 months later, I resigned with the help my one of my therapists.
Souvenir
Context: A previous school I worked at in administration.
Situation: The lead Director pulled me aside to tell me she brought me back a little something from her vacation trip to Mexico. A bracelet with shells. Followed by, “your mom could probably make something better than this”.
Response: “Actually, my mom is very whitewashed, no she couldn’t. I’m the crafty one in the family”.
Aftermath: I was very naive to the situation. It took one of my close friends, a teacher, to explain that situation and several other situations to me. That was my wake-up moment. The end of my white passing innocence.
At a Restaurant
Context: An ex-boyfriend and I were enjoying an outdoor brunch at a restaurant walking distance from my home. We would often walk there on Sunday mornings with my dog. There were tables outside, but nobody used them. Since I had a dog, I asked if we could sit outside and that was our spot. Nobody else asked. We had the outside to ourselves.
Situation: A group of white senior men and women were walking out of the building. One of the women turned to us and said, “well aren’t we special?”.
Response: Both my ex-boyfriend and I gave them a half smile. Smiling at someone who addresses us is our normal reaction. I usually have delayed reactions when it comes to something like this, again, why would someone go out of their way to say and do these things?
Aftermath: I was livid. And I really appreciated my ex-boyfriend’s response to me, “They don’t know. Don’t let it ruin your day”. He was right. But I never forgot that moment.
Shopping
Barnes and Noble
Context: As I was walking into a bookstore, there was a Latino teenage kid near the entrance leaning against the wall on his phone. I approached the door the same time as an elderly white affluent lady. I saw her Channel shoes from afar.
Situation: I reached the door first and opened it for her. The kid asked us for money. We both told him no. Then, she kept talking to me. She turned to look at me, chuckled and said, “he’s asking for money, but he has a phone”, she scoffed and looked to me to validate her comment.
Response: I gave her a dirty look and walked away.
Aftermath: I felt extremely frustrated that I didn’t say something to her in response to her arrogance. I even thought to myself, she probably thought I didn’t speak English.
Thrift Store
Context: My friend and I went thrifting at a huge 2 story thrift store. We went downstairs to a little corner that had American made traditional Mexican items.
Situation 1: One of the workers came down to where we were at and asked if we’d like for her to hold the 2 little items we were holding (I never saw this happen with any other customers there – all were white).
Response: I told her yes, to please hold it. Then I asked her, “since you’re down here I have a few questions for you.” I asked her to help me find random things, putting her to work, since she wanted to help.
Situation 2: Later when we went to the register to purchase the items they were holding, they sold the items they were holding for us to the person in front of us. They frantically chased the other customer down and awkwardly reversed the transaction.
Response: Right in the middle of the fuss I spoke to the woman in charge and asked her, “soooo in the future, would you still like for us to have you hold our items? I’d hate for this to happen again”. In her flustered haste she said yes without making eye contact.
Aftermath: I didn’t feel upset this time. I let it be what it was and had a little fun with it. It felt good watching karma do her thing.
Aftermath
As I thought back to these memories that clearly stood out to me, I still felt conflicted. What if these were just innocent comments? Yet, if they were innocent comments to them, that in and of itself is a problem. Why would someone feel so entitled to speak to someone else or about someone else like that?
These are just a few situations I’ve encountered in my life. Since 2017, it was beyond noticeable how much worse things had gotten.
So, what do you think? How did these situations make you feel? I’d love for you to share your experiences with microaggressions in the comments below. Let’s put a spotlight on them and start a discussion.