The first chapter had me hooked but a quarter of the way through, I felt torn.
Isn’t that everything a book lover wants? A book lover also wants for that feeling to remain throughout the book, with a little grace given for a few slow burn moments. Not too hard, not too soft, just right.
MY CATHOLIC GUILT
I’m a “semi-practicing” Catholic. Semi-practicing because I’m adhering to society’s label. For all intents and purposes, I am Catholic because I love my God. I’m a God-fearing woman. I believe that my integrity and moral compass are strong regardless. Too strong even because I’m also an empath.
Moreover, I’m deeply influenced by Spanish colonialism through my Mexican culture. Hence the long-standing tradition of Catholicism.
Finally, I’m a slut for gothic horror. A dichotomy of lives. “Catholic guilt” many call it. And THIS book, called it to my attention loud and proud.
@cinemagoth Calling all goths with Catholic guilt. #goth #gothgirl #satan #baphomet #mexican ♬ Combination Taco Bell and Pizza Hut by Das Racist – Jinx
First Half of the Book
A quarter of the way into the book, the first scene involving a Priest, got me feeling some sort of way.
I felt guilty for reading this. To me, Priests are revered. I’m also not naive. But I still hold that tradition near and dear to my heart.
So, do I continue to read, in October nonetheless, or do I DNF?
I kept reading. Por que me gusta la mala vida (because I like living on the edge lol). The fall is the best time to read all things fall, cozy, gothic, dark books, whatever your thing is.
But, if you’re Latinx, many of us are also aware of folklore, and calling dark energy to you for various reasons, and to be frank, I👏🏼don’t👏🏼play when it comes to that 💩. Nope. Thus, my apprehension.
Anyone feel me on this?
I was pretty proud of myself for pushing through the unease, wondering if I could attribute it to the emotional growth I’ve made so far. Out of the darkness of my depression, feeling less vulnerable to the dark, seeking souls.
Could it be from breaking free from the heavy hand of Mami, who inspires my writing out of my childhood trauma? Often times, she weaponized religion in her discipline. Something common in our culture. Thank you, V. Castro, for highlighting this theme so prevalently as it plays huge in the coming of age of many Latinx.
By this point in the book, I came to a cool cruising speed to the point where the story seemed comfortingly familiar when it came to a Catholic Mexican family and friendships. This group of friends juggle love of family, respect of religious tradition, awareness and appreciation for cultural folklore, and trying to balance it all as they grow up, independent of what their family wants for them.
Goddess of Filth “is almost like a coming of age. It’s actually like Latinx (sic) The Craft … meets My Best Friend’s Exorcism but Latinas”.
If you’ve ever felt torn for reading a book that conflicts with your religious values, maybe ask yourself the following questions:
- Is reading a book like this evil temptation or following independence, critical thinking, and what you choose to enjoy?
- What’s worse, cultural and childhood trauma or an affinity for dark entertainment rooted in cultural history?
What’s most telling is the fact that I am writing this very review smack dab in the middle of the book, I’m already loving it for all of the provoking thoughts and relativeness when it comes to my religion, heritage, and coming of age story, sans possession. But that, my friends, is what makes it a book I love!
Second Half
I went into the second part of the book now familiar with the content and writing style.
Absent of the fear factor, overtaken with my ADHD, and probably my unhealthy hyperfocus on the Priest’s role in this story, the second half was a bit of a blur.
Friendships were restored and justice was had. Something about a freezer and this Martha character I had no clue about. The end. I missed something … I missed a lot.
After I read or listen to an audiobook, I like to watch reviews to catch anything I missed and to see other people’s opinions.
I’m glad I watched the in-depth spoiler review by @bookwormofthedamned on YouTube. There were quite a few important side stories for some of the supporting characters.
So, I listened to Goddess of Filth for a second time, taking in everything I missed. For a 4-hour book, it’s a lot, it’s heavy, and it’s perfect.
A Second Reading from the Book of Goddess of Filth
The second time around the tainted word play on religious traditions were still very powerful, yet this time, my perspective of the effortless lyrical writing that was knocking on the proverbial sacrilegious door was different.
Everything quickly came into place. The cultural feminist awakening, the holy war, and religion vs mother earth.
V. Castro brilliantly built a world very similar to that with which we live in today. A world in need of a cleansing. A cultural cleansing of the evil “do-gooders” of the world. Calling upon the aid of a Mesoamerican deity.
We begin to see the protagonist’s purpose unfold, challenging the world with all her sin eating glory. Here to fight the holy war, especially against the wolves in sheep’s clothing, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but underneath are ravenous wolves” (Matthew 7:15).
While the characters were all busy pointing fingers at each other; Mrs. Garcia at Lourdes, Father Moreno at Fernanda/Tlazolteotl, and the barrio brujas at Father Moreno, the world was on fire, “Storming around like possessed stormtroopers on crack” (V. Castro).
Apparently, I had to personally reconcile with myself that Priests are human too, subject to the same evils of the world. Some revere them as stronger than us and they may very well be for several reasons, but they are still human.
That doesn’t excuse their choices and crimes any less. If anything, more negatively impactful. Knowing that they are in a place of trust with evil intentions. Like serial killers who prey on innocence and achieve the ultimate betrayal.
Quite frankly, I would have been truly disappointed for missing these crucial parts of the story.
Unforeseen Turn of Events
In the process of writing this review, I had a long conversation with Mami. Overprotective, very Catholic, Mami.
And just like that, one conversation with Mami about something completely unrelated but sexual in nature took me back so fast to anxiety ridden guilt.
Mami retelling a recent event in her life that frightened her because of the “evil that is out there”.
The evil, pornography, regarding the current level of technology and how once a device is infected with a virus, the phone will call you over and over again. This led to her feeling like porn sites “beckon” people to return.
Mami’s view of the world is very intense. She adds a lot of crema to her tacos (Spanish slang for exaggerates). She’s quite the storyteller, like her daughter I suppose.
Immediately though, I began feeling a huge sense of dread and guilt for reading Goddess of Filth. Nearing an anxiety attack, something very common after conversations with Mami.
I had another a-ha Oprah moment. My strong feelings about the Priest being discussed in a negative light and the intense sexual tones of the book came full circle about sexuality, religion, and Mexican family beliefs.
I was giving way to Mami’s perception of the world again, not mine. Yet I’m not alone. V. Castro wrote these scenes in this book for this very reason. I am the product of the type of parenting written in this book. Many Latinas are. Thus, the importance of the 4-hour story of a real historic Aztec deity who represents sin and the purification of sin.
Final Review
I had to deeply consider the possibility of my overwhelming feelings originating from this BIPOC book, because I was actually seen. The characters could indeed be me, not Oaklynn or Savanah.
I appreciate this book for all that it showed me about myself and my culture. The journey from emotions tied to culture and past generations to cerebral, with a 4-hour read.
5 very enthusiastic stars! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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