JUST ANOTHER QUIET 4th of July

Memories of microaggressions and celebrating different lived experiences

It’s the evening of the 4th of July. Just another day for me. I have no plans to celebrate. I watched siblings who were out of summer school today. That was fun. It usually is.

The sun’s setting and parties are gearing up for the fireworks, while I’m cozy in my cool house working on the computer.

Meanwhile, my backyard neighbors with a pool are celebrating with their laughing family to banda music. This is the Spanish music with the heavy tuba beats, tum, tUm, TuM, TUM. As I’m writing this, I begin spacing out to an “annoyed by banda music” memory stirring.

Ms. Tum, Tum

In another life, a co-worker who was 20+ years my senior often made inappropriate comments when it came to other cultures. This was not only accepted by her superiors (the church), but it was encouraged.

Ms. Tum, Tum, made her comments on several occasions about her neighbors and how annoyed she would get because her weekends were accompanied by their loud, tum, tum, tum, tum, as she danced a little jig while mocking the music of my people.

Her enthusiastic complaint would immediately be followed by, “Oh, … well I can talk about them like that because we grew up with a Mexican family as our neighbors, they were our best friends, so don’t worry”.

No verbal response on my end, but a head tilt, raised eyebrows, and lips sucked into my teeth forming a smize. “Yes … yes … okay, I’ll listen to your gaslighting and not ‘worry’. Gotcha 👍🏼”.

I witnessed no visible discomfort while she talked to me about the Mexican neighbors in her life, more of a matter-of-fact and annoyed tone in her storytelling because they were disrupting her weekend.

After a year or so into my dream job, her stories started hollowing out into the “Wah, wah” sounds the adults make in Charlie Brown cartoons.

Clearly, that memory stuck with me. Especially because I never said anything. Maybe now I can let it go from my heart. … … … Nope. You’ll likely see it again in my future stories about personal encounters with disparities.

Back to my 4th of July, I’m listening to jazz and watching the sunset from my beachside patio. An 11-hour and 55-minute sunset, because, of course it’s on a loop.

Living different experiences

Aaaaanyyyhooowww … maaaybe, Ms. Tum, tum (and anyone else likeminded), juuuust maaaybe, there are other people out there who genuinely feel different because they have lived different.

The tum, tum, tum, tum, is comforting to “some people”. “Some people” like me. “Some people’s” hearts are hugged with a happy childhood memory. Each hug goes, tum, tum, tum, tum.

And with that thought, a feeling of calm and peace returns for my 4th. I’ve got the tum, tum, tum, tum going on to my right, the jazzy sunset ahead of me, and the rhythmic tap, tap, tap on my laptop from my fingertips. It’s like this comfortable harmonious hummmmmm sound. The symphony of sounds cancels each other out.

Just like sitting in the office of a preschool with your door open during lunchtime. When the main focus is processing tuition yet in the background are the sounds of loud kids transitioning from lunch to potty time, to nap, and parents of the half-day kids rushing in and out, picking up them up. “Heeeyy Ms. Doña!”. “Heeey Brittany!”. … hummmmmmmmm … (To the educators out there, I know, why would I be working on tuition at a high traffic time? That part is for the emphasis 😏). Hummmmmm.

I, don’t feel so alone, with the tum, tum, tum, tum. It feels like I’m just in another room while there’s a party going on outside. Full of family, laughs, yummy smells, and (sigh), Mita (Spanish term for Grandma) … Mita … (tum, tum, Mita 💞).

Instead, I’m relaxing on my patio overlooking the beach with the longest sunset ever, writing, with the Mariachis far away in the front of the house, tum, tum, tum, tum.

4th of July hits different when you have a dog

I can’t forget my dog. Yeeesss, another night of fireworks. She’s older now. Her heart ain’t what it once was. Where is she? She needs to join me on the patio with the jazz. It’s almost time for the neighborhood fireworks, for just another quiet 4th of July.